There has been so much talk about the dearth of land to build on in Vancouver, so I have been thinking about it for quite a while. And I have a few solutions. I will be presenting my proposals over the coming days - as time affords.
My first, and best idea is to develop Stanley Park. Sacrilege! you cry. Preposterous! I hear. But my reasoning is sound.
Stanley Park is 405 hectares, or 1000 acres. A fair bit of that land is already missing it's trees, and is covered by asphalt, concrete, tennis courts, cheesy souvenir stands, etc., so the trees aren't that sacred. How about taking just half of it? Cut it, burn it, pave it, and paint it green. Greenspace is greenspace, right? Then, build thousands of exclusive condos, and sell them off to rich Albertans, and displaced Chinese peasant farmers who made it big in Shanghai.
Crime bosses and dictators always have lots of money too, and they know how to run things. Hey, instead of random, petty crime, we can get it more organized. Once the Olympics have faded into a recurring nightmare of debt, VANOC can become the Vancouver Organized Crime syndicate - headquartered in Stanley Park. We need some corporate headquarters here anyway. The other, "pristine" side of the park can be renamed Olly Park, and the Theatre Under the Stars can do laser shows and re-run Laurel and Hardy films. It would be a hit.
I think the condo development could be pretty cool. Turn the Aquarium into a fitness centre - it already has a pool. Just think of the superstars that we could attract. Rich people would be willing to spend tens of millions of dollars on pool-side condos. Bub Rainy would have a great time marketing that. Pamela Anderson could be the icon. Local girl, animal lover, etc.
'Swim with the Dolphins! Ride a Beluga! Feed the Seals! Play with the otters!
Only the incredibly wealthy and smart and beautiful people will get a chance at this opportunity.
If you are none of the above, you can move to Pincher Creek'
I've already got tons of ideas for the circulars.
This could be you!
No need for pets - these are cuter, and are thrown in by the developer as an incentive.
The lighthouse would make a very cool, very tony condo conversion.
The Miniature Railway could be extended to the Rav Line to make airport access a breeze for the priveleged.
Siwash Rock obstructs some of the views, but it could be removed, and the materials used in construction - thereby making construction costs much less expensive.
I could go on and on (and I am), but you get the idea.
Any thoughts?
Next edition will feature Queen Elizabeth Park
(I did the photoshop image of Pam and the pups.)
7 comments:
Thanks for posting folks.
bc_cele
I was actually wondering if I would upset any of the literacy-challenged, or the just plain gullible. It would be fun.
exvan
I agree with you on the SFU thing. I haven't been out that way for a while (so it wouldn't offend me in any way anyhow), but I did hear that they were putting condos in there.
Greenspace requires management, which costs money. We could do well by increasing the population, while cutting out the pesky Parks Boards. The only thing trees are good for is construction, and for fireplaces. Let's use our resources to a better effect.
Here's another idea... False creek? Fill it up with dirt and develop it! Wow, more prime real estate!
An excellent idea! We can even line our pockets err finance the project by logging the park. Just like we did to the Capilano, Seymour and Coquitlam watersheds (umm, doesn't logging cause unstable slopes which can cause landslides in, say, periods of heavy rain which would then pollute the water we depend on for drinking? you ask; no comment). Also, I can't wait for the time when smart, sentient animals cruelly forced to live in small spaces live cheek-by-jowl with smart, sentient animals cruelly forced to live in small spaces. And by that I mean dolphins in the Aquarium and dogs in tiny condos.
What's with the sparring?
We're all friends here. Let's be nice, and have some fun.
Personally, I'd like to trade places with one of those seals...
exvan and bc_
I missed something, but that's not unusual. I don't mind debates at all, and you are both quite expressive.
I just don't know what set you both off. It must be carried over from elsewhere. Thanks to both of you for the links.
Gianni33
I think too that there is still too much potential frittered away in False Creek. It's been mostly occupied by squatters for too long, but the City has taken care of that. Now there will be lots of room for the yachts of the rich and famous. Amazing views of the DT canyons and mountains of glittering glass. But we should fill it in. We want a livable city, and no one can live in the water.
We'd have a lot of fill for the Burrard Inlet (more wasted potential) and False Creek if we but started leveling the mountains. Any left over material could be shipped to Places like Hong Kong, or Venice, Italy. They need more land too.
As for trading places, I started thinking weird thoughts about the implants.
It's rather embarassing to point this out ... but false creek has already been filled up.
Check out the historical map
from 1898 -- 'false creek' used to reach Clark Drive.
I think a bit of both. It has been extensively dredged (in part to build up Granville Island on the sand bank). I believe that it did lose half its size over the last 100 years or so. Apparently the high tides used to reach all the way to Hastings Street on occasion.
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